This past weekend I was planning to attend a local benefit concert for Veterans with my friend. I couldn’t wait to enjoy a few beers at the pub next door; freeze my ass off listening to 60s, 70s, and 80s music; and just experience a breath of excitement outside of the 10 hours/5 days a week work exhaustion that has become my life. An hour after the concert started, my friend texted me saying she would catch a ride with her parents, who were going with their acquaintances, and that they would dine out afterwards. Welllll … my mood was killed. I felt as if my insides were itching, and wished I could scratch them–this unpleasantness curling in my gut.
I experienced this sense of being unwanted, like I wasn’t ***
I harbor no negative emotions towards my friend or what happened–I was just undergoing a “mood,” one in which I realized I didn’t appreciate being lonely when I wished to be around other people.
Being the English major that I am, I looked up the definitions of both “loneliness” and “alone,” despite having a general idea as to what they already meant.
Loneliness: sadness because one has no friends or company.
Alone: having no one else present; on one’s own.
The first definition implies that you don’t have a choice–you experience a depressed sensation because others have rejected, forgotten, or disappointed you in some way …. It sucks. Meanwhile, being alone is a state of being that you have chosen. I know, as there have been an abundance of times where I’ve turned down socializing with friends or declined family time simply because I want to be by myself.
I think everyone needs to understand what loneliness and alone denotes, especially how experiencing them is similar to going round in round in a circle: they both cause each other, and they both result from each other … in some instances 🙂