#7) Stop feeling guilty.
A plethora of things make me experience that uncomfortable, clawing sensation of regret. I undergo guilt when I don’t take my dog on that 3rd walk, even when it’s only 11 in the morning, -2 degrees outside, and she’s giving me those incredibly sad and literally puppy dog eyes of hers. I undergo guilt when I don’t fully complete a workout I had planned and told myself I would do all the way. I undergo guilt when I don’t meet the expectations of others, rejecting a friend’s desire to hang out that weekend or passing over an aunt’s offer to hook me up at her job. Hell, I undergo guilt when I switch from Pandora radio to YouTube, betraying one music station for the other. Big things, little things, things with trivial consequences, things with maaaaaaaassive consequences. I undergo guilt alllllll the time.
In the past, whether after hurting someone accidentally or allowing someone to hurt me and thus FEEL guilty about that, like I wronged them in a way to villanize me, I struggled with that terrible, gut-wrenching, sick emotion which plagues so many of us. And I let it drag me back, into the past, replaying, reanalyzing situations I wished I could change, pretending I could regain some sense of redemption if I did all in my power to justify whatever the cause was, simply to move on. But I’ve learned it’s better to embrace those sharp pangs of realization that allow for growth, rather than seek the comforts of soothing self-denial, refuge in a grave of numbness and suppression.
E.G. #1) My aunt recently proposed I work at her restaurant as a hostess. I’ve been part of the restaurant business before and I can happily say I hated it. Awful. A place I knew I didn’t want to go back. So I turned down the offer…at the last minute. And succumbed to guilt for the remainder of the day. Couldn’t talk to my family members. Couldn’t interact via social media. I just felt pretty, prettyyyyyy terrible about it all. And, ya know, I deserved it to an extent. Last minute calling out of an interview isn’t always the best move. Buuuuut…that was it. No use dwelling on it.
E.G.#2) My ex boyfriend had been one of my best friends for around 1 1/2 year. The best guy I knew…at a point. But in 3 weeks he had done nothing but lie to me, deny me a public relationship because he was, ya know, also dating another girl at the time, and cheat on me. A.K.A. he was your typical scumbag. And yet all he did was try to villanize me, calling out my drinking habits (granted, I give myself some leeway there because I knew all the scumbag things he was doing and it made me insecure) and do everything in his power to cast me in a bad light, mainly because he didn’t want to look at himself as the bad guy, even when deep down he knew he was. Still, despite all the negative actions he did, I apologized for all I did, the drinking and the mistrust…which was dumb.
“We are the choices we make.”
I felt guilty because I wanted to appease. But in situations such as the one I went through, a sometimes you just have to say fuck it, look at the facts, and realize you’re not guilty. Not in the slightest.
If you’re coping with any guilt, it makes you real, human, but don’t reflect too much on it–don’t dwell on the past, you don’t have to put it behind you because it’s already there. Don’t punish yourself for previous actions–you can always make better, more self-fulfilling choices.
‘ The moment of discomfort is the moment of growth.’-Eustace Conway
#8) Stop Standing in your own way, stop doubting yourself
The best feeling is when you prove yourself wrong, even in the smallest of ways.
My favorite part of working out is wanting to stop, wanting to give up, lie to myself about how I’d be happy with the outcome, and yet I push past the fatigue and pain anyways, because deep down I know I can do more, be more, are more.
I’ve been put down for a decent part of my life. So in turn I adapted to putting myself down, thus creating a mentality of low self-expectations and a lifestyle of that dreaded quitter’s attitude. People deal with addictions. Vices. Coping mechanisms. Mine…is giving up. In used to it. My life has evolved around it. Its my fallback, my crutch, my illusion and reality. My excuse. I always think ‘tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow,’ and sink to despair, a rock bottom I’ve been to, sought sanctuary with instead of confront the ideas of pain, rejection, vulnerability.
So don’t ever limit yourself. As in Nugget #7, don’t seek the comforts of that grave of suppression and self-denial, those dull aches which exist solely out of fear. You can do all you want to–the only one who could ever hold yourself back is you.
#9) Forward is the only constant.
I’ll keep this final one short.
Pretend you’re life is a line on a sheet of paper, like one of those timelines teachers make their students draw on a posterboard, with an arrow pointing towards the open….See that arrow? It’s representing the future, an open space brimming of opportunity, freedom, and change. You can see that it’s the only direction you have, so may as well make the most of it. No point in glancing over your shoulder, to a stationary past, of successes or failures, your ups and downs, despair, fallen dreams…etc etc you’ll never be able to alter it, unless of course you have a time machine which, if you do happen to own, lend it to me so I can go back and force JK Rowling from killing Sirius off.
Make the most of the present you’re in, for the future is never guaranteed. You are in charge of your life, your attitude, your reactions, the choices you make. Maybe you won’t get that daydream job you’ve wanted since you were 7 years old, or get with the boy you’ve been creeping on every night, or stopping Sirius from getting the ax, but you can control where you go and what to do with you. So go forward.
Hope you enjoyed my Nuggets of wisdom 😎😎😎
Here’s a picture of two ants on a fig.