Where Have My Friends Gone?

Since middle school, I had this strange habit of writing down who my friends are. Ranking them in a list, and prizing both the quality and quantity. I would continue this ritual all throughout high school and all throughout college. I haven’t done it in several years but, upon seeing an old acquaintance this past weekend and hearing how she wouldn’t anchor the whole bridesmaids thing at her wedding, I took out my trusty pen, jotted some names down, and wondered if i could even get away with it too.

I remember the old WordPress was Live Journal, where you could post entries to an online site which followers could read. One time, near the end of 8th grade, before 9th started and my motley middle school group would forever be disbanded, my best friend and I ranked our friends on our websites and described why we thought our bonds would weather the storms of time and trial and last forever.

By the time 10th grade rolled around, we were merely classmates. And by graduation? No longer on speaking terms.

College was the same. I had a strong clique the first year, many of whom with the distance stretched and stretched. New ones were gained, then lost, then more were gained, then lost. Repeat. Repeat. Until now, when all my “friends” are nothing more than memories of a good time.

I thought, fur sure, despite still holding onto maybe one or two of my high school pals, my college ones would never abandon me, not after nights of binge drinking while discussing heartbreak at 3am, enduring the semesterly struggles of passing exams together, experiencing drama on the same level of those middle school ordeals.

I think I have two friends from college I can count as my closest friends (one of you I know will read this :D).

Now, as I sit here, looking down at my list, I recall that old Live Journal post my best friend from middle school and I had composed, and I think of all the names that should be on it but are simply “was.”

But I am grateful for the ones now on it, these people who have pushed past the every-day struggle of adulating and long distance friendships, to only see each other on that rare, once-in-a-blue-moon occasion, who play more than your basic catch up…because they know who you really are.

It’s the quality, not the quantity.

Whoever said this knew what they were talking about. My “quantity” is about two hands, and I’m more than okay with that, as they contain a wealth of the kind of friendship I’ve always had.



3 thoughts on “Where Have My Friends Gone?”

  1. Great post! This will definitely resonate with most 20-somethings and really anyone whose been through this stage of life. I have been calling 2017 “the year of the small circle” haha!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If you have two close friends, you are lucky. I had two. One was shot to death in a mugging when he was 31 and one died of Cardiomyopathy when he was 33. Now at age 69, I have a wife, a few scattered friends that I would not call close and a few acquaintances. Golf buddies. Still lucky to have that

    Liked by 1 person

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